The Good of Teaching

Even though I just finished a post, I needed to write another one, focusing on something good to uplift myself. Besides, what I'm about to write is good news that needs to be separate from what happened today. This past Sunday, after my kids were picked up from class, one of the other teachers pulled me aside and paid me the biggest complement that I've received in a long time!
The other week, while I was playing hookey to catch Phantom of the Opera, James took over my kindergarten class. When James pulled me aside, we had just finished our fourth week/lesson of this new year, with the new kindergarten classes. (James teaches the 9 am class, while I take the 11 am class.) He had filled in for me and had an amazing time with my kids. In fact, he told me that my kids were not only well behaved (which is a challenge for any kindergartner) but were so attentive. They answered all of his questions and he even had to think of harder questions for them! James complimented my teaching, and that he wants to now sit in on my classes, because my kids challenged him! He wants to up his game in teaching his class, all because of what he saw in my class! Oh it took everything in my to smile and accept the praise, because all I wanted to do was cry with the mixture of my emotions. I mean that is high praise to hear that from another teacher--that you are doing such a good job that they want to study you and model their own teaching after you. And at the same time I wanted to cry with relief because I was struggling to make a connection with my class that I have. I always end on such a high note with my classes at the end of each year. But this year, for some reason was hard to start brand new from scratch. My kids are great. In face one of the boys called me over during craft this last week to tell me that he loved me. Then there are a few who are just hard to reach. My connection isn't as easy this year as it has been in the past. And so I've been thinking that my kids weren't getting anything from me. Then to hear from James that they are indeed learning.... Honestly, all I want to do is gather my class together and give them all the biggest group hug ever! In fact, I'm probably loving this group more than the previous ones. And that's hard to say because I always love my kids. That's never an option (you never know who needs it or when they need it).
Maybe the real reason why I wanted to cry was because I've been struggling with the guilt of not giving my class as much of my everything that I usually put in. I've been torn in so many directions with my thoughts and attention. One, there's a man that I really like. And every female knows that once you start to like someone, you're thoughts tend to drift in their direction. Two, the whole wrist thing; work, pain, trying to get better, feeling exhausted because your body knows that there's something wrong, etc. Three, learning new computer programs to get a better job (in a different direction). Four, wanting to write and all that is involved in writing. Five, just wanting to veg out to give your brain a break for everything (and yes, I do suppose I think too much). Six, picking up a role in a musical. Honestly, to the casual observer, it would be easy for someone to say that I don't do a thing. But even this short list right now blows my own mind at just how much I'm doing. And there are things that I know I have not listed here. Then there is the list of things that I know I need to do but just haven't gotten around to doing. But none of this is really any different than before I got injured. I just feel like I'm out of balance, like learning how to juggle in a new stance--in this instance it would probably be on my head! It's frustrating learning a new stance. And of course it would seem like I don't have enough time for things. I just feel bad, because I want to give more time for my class. They are the only children that I have right now, other than my niece and nephews. I just want to give them more. But I feel so drained. I want to give my class more, because I know the impact that I can have. I never know the full impact that I get the privilege of having in their lives. But I do know that I do get to be impactfull. And they are so young. And they have so much potential. The way that I get to change the world on a regular basis is by showing those kids that they can impact the world right now themselves. They don't have to be adults to change the world. The world is theirs, right now! And I know that because I looked for ways to impact the world when I was younger. There is a way. And I have every intention of letting those kids know that they can change the world. They have the power to do great things right now! And I so want them to know that and do those great things!!! They are not just "children", they are so much more! Maybe I'm under the delusion that the more that I put into them the more they will pour out. But it's not a delusion. It's a principle truth. The water you pour into a glass, the more water pours out of the cup. I just want to give them more.