Nearly Time

This is the longest that I've had to wait for a date. And I honestly do not know how I'm doing it. Three weeks ago, I agreed to go to a ball game with someone I've been talking to for a week. And I've got roughly 36 to wait before I can finally be put out of my misery and finally meet him face to face. I usually make it a point not to wait this long before physically meeting someone, because I want to really get to know someone (vs. having to go through some of the crazy thoughts that I've had to go through recently). Those crazy thoughts have mainly been centered around my wondering if he really is who he's come to know though emails. I so don't want to be disappointed. But at the same time I'm anxious to see if his personality really is what he's like in his emails. Because I really like his personality. A month of getting to know him, growing to like him, and now this. ...I weed out on the first date. But I've invested time like I've never done before a first date. Not only that, but I've concluded that I don't want this to be like other first dates. Normally at the beginning I sit back and watch to learn more about my date. Actually he told me that he's disliked meeting women only to find that they are different than who they are in emails. And my observation period is the only difference of who I am no matter what. But my observing comes off as shy and all that implies, which is not me at all. And so I want to be me, the me that my friends see all the time. That's difficult and makes me more nervous than I can even begin to describe. I mean really nervous! So you toss in with that nervous mess, the thoughts of wondering why emails are not consistent. And telling yourself that it's just because he's busy. Because every time he does mention the ball game/date, there is obvious excitement coming from him. I mean I really do know that he can't wait. In fact, Trish has seen my nervousness and questioning--even though I haven't told her that I've been questioning his interest. And there has been a few times where she's comforted me by telling me that he really is interested. And that's something that she doesn't normally do. She's been supportive while I've started dating again. But she's never talked me into or out of anyone. She just listens and doesn't give comments to persuade me in any direction. All except in this instance. She's reassured me like only God knows like I needed. And it's not like I'm suffering from insecurity or anything. I haven't felt this good about myself for quite some time. (Today, I weighed myself. At the beginning of the year I was in the ball park of 280 pounds. Today, I'm down to 227. I don't know if I'll make it down to my high school graduation weight of about 180 by the end of the year. But I'm not worried about it. I'm making progress and that's all that matters to me right now.) I also have a style going on right now that gets the attention of men and women. I'm confident in my beauty and who I am. I am comfortable being me. The only thing I'm not comfortable in is the pre-meeting nervousness. All I want to do is put the face to the personality I've come to know.