Complexities of Dating

Okay so this week has definitely been a very interesting one. Very interesting. I've started talking with a third man. I thought I had two polar opposites before! This one is definitely way different than the other two. I never thought I'd say this, but it's been completely fascinating finding someone of the male persuasion who I have so much in common with. As we exchange more information we find out just how much we are a like in certain things. So far the biggest difference between us is that he's pretty much a die hard football fan. I'll watch a few good games a year.
The second man, I had been talking to, I think I've pretty much decided that even though he would be a safe solid dependable man... I just don't feel that excitement of receiving a message from him like I do with the other two. For example, today he sent a message and I had been hoping it was from the third man. And quite frankly, when you get that disappointment, that is never a good sign. So I think that I'm going to have to break it off in my next response email. I keep telling people that it's best to be up front and honest as quick as possible so there's less chance of someone really getting their feelings hurt. But I'm having a hard time in this case.
The first man... well there's a story this week. We had our first fight, which was over something that was really really stupid. And that fight really revealed something to me. A lot of somethings anyway. One, I took note of how many of my emotions were running and interchanging so quickly. It was like riding a nightmare of a roller coaster and not in the good sense. After spending the last five years in the stability of singlehood, this onslaught of emotions was not pleasant at all. Two, despite all my being careful and taking things easy, I found that I've really started caring for this man. At times he irritates me beyond all else. But then he'll make me laugh. Sometimes it's frightening that I can associate tones of voice with the way he writes on IM. There are even times where I can pick up moods. But it still frustrates me that in essence he acts like a boyfriend but yet he insists on the fact that we're just friends. I try to explain it to myself why it is the way that it is, but it still frustrates me. Nothing was more frustrating than the day after our fight, we got things pretty much straightened out and he makes the comment that we're totally made up. You don't make up with someone unless you are in a serious relationship. With friends, when you fight with them, you get over it and move on. There's no making up. There's not a person alive who will tell a person that they are truly friends with, we're made up. Friends just don't make up. Anyway... since all that we've still been talking everyday, sometimes twice a day. He even called one night.
As much as I have said that I hate online dating because it's like playing the field, I must admit it's probably been a good thing for me. It's built up the desirability factor within me. So now I have cold hard fact to go with what I've always known about myself. I am desirable. I am someone. But this has been good for me too, because I just don't have a readily available circle of single men around me. It has also been interesting to see just how all the ideals that I've thought I wanted plays out in real men. It's no longer theories and fantasies. I can actually see what I really like and what I don't. Besides it's cut me a whole lot of slack with mom. Although I do find it hilarious that she doesn't understand me yet again. She thinks there's something wrong in my relationship with the first man because I've now started to talk regularly with the third man. Truth be told, when she asks I just kind of shrug it off and don't answer her. How do I explain it all? I still prefer the first man, but I'm not sure at all if he will ever act. And I don't want to waste time hoping and wondering. I'm doing all this dating to find someone with whom I can get married to, when the time is right. I just don't know how to encourage the first man to keep moving forward. Everything I've tried, I can't see if it works or not. It is probably for that reason why I've been enjoying the attention that I'm getting else where. I'm not sure what will happen with the third man, where it will go. But at least in our conversations, it has forward movement. And at the same time I really can't compare the two men. The third man I've been talking to for almost a week--so yes there is going to be forward movement. With the first man, we've been talking for about five weeks now. There is a safe and comfortableness that we have in our conversations.
As I told my best friend this week, it was sooo much easier being single. Not that I want to be single or am glamorizing it at all. I could just do without all the emotional stuff going on.