Life Changes Are Hard

I've been struggling a lot with how I have to adjust my life around this injury. I just got back from a physical therapy appointment where my therapist once again got after me for doing too much with my wrist. There were times during my family's vacation to Idaho where I picked up Nicolas and Daniel. Do I know I'm not supposed to lift them? Yes. But there's a problem with knowing this. I love playing with my nephews. But more than that, I love to hold them and cuddle with them. And they are still at ages that they crave that kind of attention. And then when they're tired, they still want to be held. I love my nephews and it tears my heart that I can't pick them up and hold them. I suppose I can live well enough with not lifting a lot of things.... Sure, I say that now, but I've been so independent my whole life and now I'm less so. But being chided yet again by my therapist, I wanted to cry. In fact there were some tears that I let go when her back was too me. It's so frustrating.
But there is one thing that is making this time more bareable. I've met someone online on e-harmony. I only renewed my subscription because they offered me a half off discount (I had stopped earlier because I wasn't find anyone and didn't like paying the price). That and in my heart there was hope to finding someone this time. So I started sending messages to anyone who was remotely interesting. Then I found one that I was really intersted in. First thing that caught my attention--his height! That and he's quite handsome. I wasn't too sure how it would turn out to start with, but we've really hit it off. At least once a day we've sent messages to each other. But what gives me the biggest charge is the fact that he's been really trying to impress me. It's been far longer than I care to admit since anyone's tried hard to impress me. I've been flirted with, but no one's tried to impress me. It's actually quite thrilling! But what I find facinating is that there's a great chance that with him there's a lot more things in my life that will make so much more sense. The things which I've always felt that make me not fit in anywhere. That and there's some things that no one in my family is really into, but I'm interested in and he's really into. So I'm looking forward to when we will get the chance to meet in person.
And then at the same time, there are those moments where my heart nearly stops--did I say to much? Then there's the ever present desire to still want to be accepted. It's a rough balance, wanting to be up front and honest, careful not to gloss over things by painting a picture that really isn't you. I love being honest with people, but it seems a bit harder when you can't tell them face to face. You can't guage their reaction. And so with each further exposure that you make with who you are, there is still that heart pounding wait... wait... waiting for that next message. And then there's that great release when you see that next message, and you savor every moment. Only to go one step farther and enter the suspense one more time. And today has been full of those moments. I received three messages today. I know I shouldn't be falling for that rollercoaster, but the fact my head knows what I read in his messages, it doesn't over ride the way my heart beats in anticipation the way that it does. What I read is that my smitten is not one sided. And that is what makes the anticipation grow even more, each time. Oh, how long it has been since I've felt any of this, and yet at the same time it's all new.